-Have a good day!
xoxo,
RLCG
December 24, 2008
dayum daddy!
Hmmmmmmm….
So it is officially Christmas Eve and if it weren’t for my phone saying December 24th I would have no idea. No Christmas tree.No lights.No wreaths on the door. WTF
My Christmas decor in my dorm closet… ahem, room(which consisted of a giant green holiday pen where Santa shimmied down at the push of a button)was more than the nothingness going on at my house. Smh. Home for the holidays my ass.
In other news I just got a Twitter…eek? I have no idea how to work it but my dear older sister(SimpleComplex) convinced me it’s the next new thing…errr I dunno but, OKAY! Random but I’m low key thinking about becoming a raw-foodist….ok you can STOP laughing now…i’m serious. We’ll see though.
I’ve been listening to Habib Koite a lot lately…his music is just so soothing…especially Din Din Wo. When I listen to this song I pretend I’m in South Africa layed out on the beach, sun making my body tingle with some type of fruity drink in my hand….sigh..if only.
All around me EVERYONE I know is getting engaged or they are in super serious relationships where the next step is marrige. Like I don’t get it….I know I low key live in the “bumblefuck backwoods of Kansas” as my friend Taylor so kindly put it but DAYUM DADDY…can we grow up a little more?
I haven’t smoke a clove in over 3 weeks and I’m fiending. Dammitdammitdammit. As stressed out as I am right now one would be very nice. And I have GOT to stop stressing….
Well I am off to go watch movies on demand…and if you are reading this and you are on twitter ADD ME…..http://twitter.com/realifecitygirl
xoxo,
RLCG
December 23, 2008
..the type of girl givin out fake cell phone and name…
Let’s see…as I set here and watch the Hills Season Finale online(don’t laugh lol) I sit here and ponder many things…
1) Has Olathe always been this trashy? This part of Johnson County has really gone down to me…like all I see around are these trashy ass Christmas lights and people I went to high school with, with babies…
2)Is anything I do going to end up right? As of now every PLAN that I have made for my life has been shattered. I’ve never felt so lost. I feel like I’m in this horrible maze just wondering around in circles with no way out…
3) I am feeling really fake…like it is really hard for me to feel/act happy with feeling like I’m pretending. Like it’s so hard to feel anything but complete despair when I’m dealing with EVERYTHING going in my life.Like there are so many uncertainties…
4)I settle way too much…it has fucked me up a lot. But this last situation with that bitch ass nigga that slept with my ex friend has REALLY helped in a weird way. I had many, MANY oppurtunities to stop dealing with him, hell he gave me plenty of reasons… but I kept on and this is what I get…
5)Gil Scott Heron is great….
6)So is Habib Koite
7) I miss going to dance class…that was such a release for me. I love learning chorography…it’s so fun.
While I am on the subject on missing things I ACTUALLY miss HGC rehearsal….even though I still don’t feel like I really belong in that choir the rehearsals always provided some sort of comedic relief…and I <3 Cliff! lol
9) My phone doesn’t ring anymore…and when it does I seem to never want to talk to that person. Being that my biggest fear is being alone it’s kind of scary….
10) I love my family. Even though we don’t get along the few moments that we do are the best…
xoxo,
RLCG
December 9, 2008
whatdoesitfeelliketobereal?
After reading yesterday’s post I feel like I should pat myself on the back. I took it really well. But now…
I FEEL LIKE….man you don’t even wanna know what I feel like. I think rage, with side of hurt, sprinkled with pain best describes it. I am usually not the woe is me type of person but why the @#*$ is this happening to ME!? at this time? Freakin finals time? When I need to be completly focused on school.Damn both of them. This is not ok. Like I thought I could brush it off easily but I CAN’T. He has clothes all in my room. My sheets still smell like his cologne. dammitdammitdammit.
Like I am replaying it in my head over and over again. And I have the horrible mental image of them in her bed seared into my memory. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! Each time I go over I pretend that I have a different reaction. My favorite one is me snatching the covers off both of them while screaming “WTF is this shit!” and choke slamming both of them. Ok that low key just made me crack a smile.
BUT IM STILL PISSED
I have the odd sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. And it won’t go away. I’m disgusted.SICK.
Ok I am really getting to angry to type. I am going to go rid my room of everything that reminds me of him ever being here.
xoxo,
RLCG
December 8, 2008
memoriesspentinthecoldestwinter
Ok so my life seems like a horrible ongoing episode of a poorly written teen drama, a la Dawson’s Creek.
In most reason news I caught one of my “best” friends IN BED,HALF CLOTHED and cuddled with my guy.He was shirtless and God knows what else underneath the comforter.
W.T.F.?
Like in the midst of all my problems that have plauged me for these last five months(mostly money and family problems that literally was making my HAIR fall out) I have dealt with this relationship with someone we will call 44. Now I previously had talked to 44 my freshman year of college but after Christmas break we stopped talking. Fast forward to this past summer and we started talking heavily and by the time August rolled it was me and him. It started off care free and nice, neither of us wanting a relationship but when you start spending that much time feelings can grow and that they did. It had actually gotten to I love yous and everything. He began to always be around, and I began to inconvenience MYSELF to spend more time with him. Bad idea.
He began to feel like a drug of some sorts…I always needed him. Everyday.Everynight…couldn’t sleep without him. My prescribed Ambien was now in a human form that snored lightly and smelled faintly of expensive cologne mixed with his own unique scent. It was damn near intoxicating.
And I let it consume me.
With all of that said you would think that I would be devestated after seeing them together. No.
I’m actually not.
Granted, I did shed a few tears and a few hyperventilated breaths but it passed. Very quickly. And I went to church for the first time in a while. I think God wanted me to see with my own eyes how the devil has been making a fool of me. And I thank him for it. He has given me perfect peace about this whole situation. I am an EXTREMELY emotional person and my friends are all completely shocked at how well I am taking being betrayed not only by not one but TWO people you love.
Don’t get me wrong, I am hurt. But if this makes sense at all its a happy hurt. ITS OVER.
Now all I want to do is get out of the hustle and bustle of DC and get back in Olathe,Kansas to go sledding with my brother and my dog and drink hot apple cider afterwards. 
It’s the simple things that I miss…
More later…I’m tired.
xoxo
RLCG
November 27, 2008
Allow me to reintroduce myself…
‘It’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you…”
So it’s been a while huh? I’m not even going to try and update you on what’s been going on in my life cause that would take forevvvvvvvvvvver. Ahh.
My current location is in WESSSSSSST Philadelphia(born and raised? lol) as I celebrate Thanksgiving with one of my great friends Ms. Renae. I can’t afford to make it back to good old Olathe, Kansas 
I never thought I would miss it so much.
Lately, I have been listening to is Kanye West’s new joing 808s and Heartbreak. I’m going through a lot of stuff and this is the perfect CD to accompany me and my sorrows lol.
I’ll be updating more often when I get more time but for now I have green beans to tend to plus the 5 hour Jackson 5 movie that I know all the words to is on!
HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING…
xoxo,
RLCG
July 13, 2008
“…I used to read Word Up Magazine….”
This is a little something I wrote 2 months ago….
My head fits perfectly in that crook on your neck
stroking your head
listening
your familiar smell making me nostalgic
but I don’t know you
not anymore
Its those same cofffewithtwocreams colored eyes I’ve stared in countless nights
some just like this one
That perfect scar on your upper lip
you hate it.I love it.
I know you?I knew you.
Like a sidewalk you voice cracks
filled with emotion
sincerity
truth
My heart belives you.
My mind does a mental eye roll.
Hadn’t I dreamed of the moment countless lonely nights?
Eyes blinking back tears
mind in a daze
thinking about your kiss.
my dream is alive
Lips pressed on lips
magicspinningfireworks
but is it real?
Days pass.
Promised calls never happen.
Surprised?
I’m not.
If only this didn’t happen.
If only I didn’t wake up in your favorite t-shirt scrambling to my phone only to find the lack of missed calls.
If only “it was all a dream”
July 12, 2008
On Deck….
Wow I have been slacking! I’m sorry…waaaay to much has been going on. In happy news I’ve been around the BEST people…these guys are so special to me. From getting in trouble together to joking together to skinny dipping in Virgina to working,living and playing together….we truly have a bond. I love all of our inside jokes. AHH I love you guys.
In other news my program has been great/hard. Working with these childrenen is rewarding yet SO HARD because as a teacher you can only do so much…how much the parent chooses to work with the child TRULY shows. ugh I really dont want to get into that right now….
I need my eyebrows done…and a pedicure….and some brunch. Hmmm I’m gunna go take care of that.
Mwah,
RLCG
June 23, 2008
Vanilla Kisses
I needed this summer.
This has the been this best summer of my entire life.Like nothing has topped this. EVERY single day something crazy/hilarious/ridiculous happens to me. Like I feel that God really knew I needed this. I work my ass off everyday(55 hours a week) plus I have picked up a second job as a barista yet I am having the time of life.
This past weekend my Dinaya came and visited me! I love her so much….I can’t wait til I go to Philly so we can kick it. Random but my Fourth of July plans include NY and I am SO EXCITED! I’m going with MC3, Nelson, Elle,and T.Low
But yeah I’m going to go take a shower and go out to dinner with my Dub(yeah….I got one lol),
RLCG
