Okay so I just erased everything I had typed….I’m really just fed up with a lot of things and people and when I get them all sorted out maybe I can actually talk about it. As for now I’m going to sulk,pop an Ambien(yes they are prescribed…don’t tweak lol) and have a dreamless sleep. I think not having dreams must be some type of side effect…it’s scary. I usually ALWAYS dream….now I just close my eyes and when I open them again it’s daytime.
I think the main reason I have a hard time actually voicing/typing my problems out is because it’s BAD ENOUGH just thinking about them. When all of them are actually said….it just becomes too much to handle. I’ll just ignore it for a while.
Actually eff it. I need to get this out. Okay so a little background: I was in a seriousrelationship for almost two years with a guy I’ll A.C. Everything was great. We were each others worlds. Two days before my 18thbirthday I found out that he had done something to me which most people would deem unforgivable. I broke up withhim, yet we never had closure Still talked. Still said I love you. Still saw each other.
FOR the love of me I don’t know why.
My mother and my best friend Evie say I have a problem with cutting people off. Ugh.
Yeah so here it is…it’s 2008; I will be twenty in a matter of months and I can say with much regret that the last time we were ahem…together was TWO weeks ago. After years of hanging out, hooking up, and hating each other(not necessarily in that order but ALL three always happen) post-break up I can say were are the the EXACT same position we were in December 16th 2006. Confused and still in love.
Okay so I’m going to honest….I just typed a paragraph and re-read it about 8 times.I sounded like booboo the fool.I am really letting A.C. try my life by even allowing him the chance to speak to me. This is it. Im going to sleep. See? I was wrong…this actually made me feel better…a little.
Im going to bed. Im gunna actually sort this out some other day.
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY.