I really hate coming on here typing this negative ass shit. But hey….this is my life right now…
My living situation has quickly gone from uncomfortable to unbearable. The hot water has been off for almost 3 weeks now.I don’t have my own space. My uncle is bi polar and is so quick to yell and cuss out his wife and kids and then make THEM apologize to him for no reason. My life is damn near a daze. I chief nearly everyday.To feel away from everything. I hurt this constant piercing pain. My biggest fear has always been feeling trapped. I am living my very own nightmare. It’s so frightening because I hate waking up in the morning knowing that this is my life. It’s come down to the point where I cant even talk to my friends about anything im going through because they cant imagine this pain and sometimes they are just insensitive. I know sometimes they don’t know what to say but “Everything Happens for a Reason” is not cutting it anymore.I feel like SCREAMING sometimes.
I hurt so bad.
The to top it off my Mother flies here for a funeral and is here for 2 days and doesn’t see me.She literally saw EVERYONE but me. WTH. I would NEVER fly to North Carolina and see everyone but her. As much as we don’t see eye to eye I still love my mother but that was FUCKED up.
I don’t even feel like me anymore. Im sick of feeling sad. And to top everything else off Lowe’s CUT my hours. IN HALF. Meaning I am making no money. And since did nothing BUT work I don’t have shit to do. And if you’re read the previous posts you know that my Mom took my car,my only source of transportation when she moved to NC so I am genuinely TRAPPED.
I dont know what to do anymore. Oh yeah and remember that program in DC I applied for? I got waitlisted.
NOTHING is going good for me. Literally NOTHING. If it wasn’t for Michela I seriously don’t know how I’d be coping right now. She picks me up and lets me shower @ her house or she’ll pick me up from work so I don’t have to walk in the 100 degree weather that its been here lately.
I keep on telling myself that I can make it.
But I’ve almost stopped believing that.