….hometown glory?

I really hate coming on here typing this negative ass shit. But hey….this is my life right now…

My living situation has quickly gone from uncomfortable to unbearable. The hot water has been off for almost 3 weeks now.I don’t have my own space. My uncle is bi polar and is so quick to yell and cuss out his wife and kids and then make THEM apologize to him for no reason. My life is damn near a daze. I chief nearly everyday.To feel away from everything. I hurt this constant piercing pain. My biggest fear has always been feeling trapped. I am living my very own nightmare. It’s so frightening because I hate waking up in the morning knowing that this is my life. It’s come down to the point where I cant even talk to my friends about anything im going through because they cant imagine this pain and sometimes they are just insensitive. I know sometimes they don’t know what to say but “Everything Happens for a Reason” is not cutting it anymore.I feel like SCREAMING sometimes.

I hurt so bad.

The to top it off my Mother flies here for a funeral and is here for 2 days and doesn’t see me.She literally saw EVERYONE but me. WTH. I would NEVER fly to North Carolina and see everyone but her. As much as we don’t see eye to eye I still love my mother but that was FUCKED up.

I don’t even feel like me anymore. Im sick of feeling sad. And to top everything else off Lowe’s CUT my hours. IN HALF. Meaning I am making no money. And since did nothing BUT work I don’t have shit to do. And if you’re read the previous posts you know that my Mom took my car,my only source of transportation when she moved to NC so I am genuinely TRAPPED.

I dont know what to do anymore. Oh yeah and remember that program in DC I applied for? I got waitlisted.

GREAT.

NOTHING is going good for me. Literally NOTHING. If it wasn’t for Michela I seriously don’t know how I’d be coping right now. She picks me up  and lets me shower @ her house or she’ll pick me up from work so I don’t have to walk in the 100 degree weather that its been here lately.

I keep on telling myself that I can make it.

But I’ve almost stopped believing that.

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About nishiefbaby

I slow dance in the club. I love natural hair. I'm unpredictable and passionate. I love Habib Koite.
This entry was posted in My so called life. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to ….hometown glory?

  1. I hope things get better for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Try to smile.

  2. Je'Kendria says:

    I really hope things…well I know things will get better for you eventually. Although your situation is different, I definitely understand what you’re going through. Things are tough and it seems like it won’t get better anytime soon, but you have to maintain your strength, faith, and sanity. This is what life is about, learning how to get through these obstacles so when things do get better, you appreciate it alot more. So keep on keeping on girl, Michela is obviously a Godsend and is there to be your glimmer of sunlight. Love you and I’m here if you need anything! 🙂

  3. Whitney says:

    I know things get hard, but this is right where God wants you. Sometimes he can’t elevate us until we are in a place where there’s nothing else we can physically do and we feel broken. It’s in those moments that we have to trust him and he will move so magnificently. I don’t know what you’ve been praying for but God doesn’t just give us everything we ask for. Sometimes he gives us an opportunity. If you ask him for patience, he doesn’t just give it to you, rather he gives you an opportunity to be patient. So, maybe he’s giving you an opportunity to be patient or peaceful or loving.
    God will never leave you and he has plans for you that are far greater than anything you can imagine right now. I promise you. Read Jeremiah 29:11 everyday and just say it to yourself sometimes throughout . This is just a test and the good thing is…you can’t fail it. Learn the lesson from this moment and thank God even when it seems impossible to bear. Call me, text me, whatever you need. I love you Spec!!

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